unofficial letter to microsoft

Dear Microsoft Zune Division,
As you are painfully aware, the world wide web is the best place to learn, follow and categorize trends about pretty much anything. The peculiar obsession with superimposing poor spelling onto photos of felines, the social network of the month, and the almost predictable dislike for new microsoft operating systems are just a few of these wonderful trends to follow.
microsoft has a chance to capitalize on one such trend i've become part of. this trend, of course, is mac owners that want a zune.
not every person that owns an apple computer is devoted to the ipod.
i have owned a few ipods, but the new zune had no trouble swaying me back to the microsoft side.
the simple fact is that the design, interface and features of the zune are clearly superior to those of the ipod.
in the past 5 years i've owned three apple music players. first i bought a second generation ipod, which was stolen from my local pool while lifeguarding. (insert irony)
i used the insurance money and my 18th birthday to replace that with a third generation ipod, which still functions today even after i hacked the firmware and changed the fonts and icons to transformers symbols. this was long before michael bay lured me in to a toy-based film with megan fox and ilm visual effects.
when i landed an industry job right out of college, i decided to treat myself to a first generation ipod touch, which i promptly hacked to facilitate installation of third-party software, custom icons and backgrounds, and of course a super nintendo emulator for my mario fix. this was fun for about three months. the nerd factor wore off quickly, i soon grew bored of the easy access to aim/gmail/youtube and the minuscule storage capacity was claustrophobic at best. i sold the ipod touch in search of a new digital music gadget, but i am still unsatisfied with my options.
a few years ago, the zune was the awkward, homely, mildly retarded half-cousin of the ipod. recently, the zune has grown into its nose, learned to communicate fluidly, and gotten a proper shave. in the year 2009, the ugly duckling has become a majestic swan, and the "zune120" puts the "ipod classic" to shame.
even if we compared the zune to the ipod based purely on television advertising, the zune would crush its sleek, easily-smudged competition.
apple understood that opening the elitism of the ipod to loyal microsoft customers would bring insurmountable profits. as much as windows users bash apple, most people who can afford an ipod will buy one. it seems reasonable to assume the reverse.
many reviews of the zune include a bit about the wireless sharing technology, which usually reads something like "it's cool but i can never find anyone else with a zune." apple computers are more popular these days, especially in two key demographics:
college students and print/radio/television/film professionals.
if you took a poll of mac owners, i guarantee at least 30% would purchase a zune if given the opportunity. take the annual number of apple products sold to these demographics, do the math, and that is a lot of money. ignoring the entire apple user community by not porting zune software to the macintosh operating system is financially idiotic, socially ignorant and absolutely inexcusable.
i just want a black 120gb zune with the year of the tiger drawing and "eye of the tiger muthaf*cka" inscribed on the back.
is that too much to ask?!

sincerely,

adam fram

the danger of digital high seas

Buying music is such a chore. I have to walk all the way to my computer, poke at least two dozen plastic keys, and wait 12 hours for the album to arrive at my door. Why even bother?
Oh, because the music is awesome (hopefully) and I want it in my ears. Well, just the sound waves inside my ears would be fine. Anything else would probably be quite painful, and definitely counterproductive in my quest to hear things I like.
I want to hear this album now. I just found out a band I've enjoyed for eight years released a new album three months ago. So obviously I want to know what I've missed, and I want to see (hear, but you know what I mean, let me finish) how their progression is unfolding since their first album a decade ago.
Do I want to wait until tomorrow to hear this music? Not really.
Do I want to pay $17 for the album? Not really.
Do I want to walk to a physical store tonight? Not really.
It appears my options are only limited because of my general lethargy and apparent apathy. I really do want to hear it. I guess I could survive on some 30-second excerpts from various internet stores. That's only good if you buy sample platters often.
"Yum that tiny chunk of cheese was delicious, but there's no more because I only get two grams of each type. Bummer for my mouth."
No fun.
I want to experience the album as it was intended, from start to finish. Most great albums have a coherent message, some sort of story, or even a simple theme that unites the songs. Listening to a random clip of a song does not do the album justice, and it will only serve to warp my perception of the album before I purchase it. Is that what iTunes and Amazon want from me? More indecision? Don't they just want me to buy the thing and figure out if I like it afterwords?
I could always find a torrent website that isn't currently on trial or under FBI investigation and use that to satisfy my musical desires. That, of course, would be illegal and immoral, as I would be stealing music and cheating both the record company and the band. If I were to use torrent files to procure movies, tv shows and music, I would use the torrents only as guides on what to actually purchase. If I like an album, I will but it. If i like a movie enough to watch it more than a few times, I will buy it. If a tv show makes me laugh, I will buy it. Well only if the tv show is Arrested Development, 30 Rock or Always Sunny in Philadelphia. And maybe the first season of My Name is Earl. And Titus. Ok anyway...
I don't want to be wasteful. Owning something I don't use is wasteful. Wasteful of precious natural resources, labor, and space in my room.
Not sure where I was going with this. I'm not great at closing, so