i hope you don't hate snakes

if you hate snakes, keep reading because i'm going to make you very happy.
you will be happy to know that the largest known snakes do not exist anymore. spinal bones from a titanoboa were uncovered in columbia, dating back about 60 million years.
check them out.

you will be happy to know that this size difference makes the titanoboa approximately the length of a bus, and the weight of a four-door pickup truck. if it were to slither past you without you noticing for a few seconds, when you finally look down at the massive scaly beast its body thickness would be waist height. keep in mind, this is a friggin snake. that means no legs. that means you would have significant trouble wrapping your arms around its body, in case you thought a good idea might be trying to hug a 13-meter 1100kg serpent.
read the full story here, courtesy of the british broadcasting corporation.
i wouldn't worry too much, because if you stumbled upon a live specimen, it would probably not waste its time trying to eat you. it's the equivalent of noticing a few triscuits on the street. if you were really famished you might eat them, but otherwise it's not worth the trouble. but hey, we found coelacanths off the cost of south africa. and there's plenty of unexplored rain forests left. well, the parts we haven't gotten around to destroying for lumber and hotels. be sure to run straight into the nearest river if you spot one of these reptiles. no wait, they swim. ok climb the nearest tree. no wait, they would probably knock it over accidentally. ok just soil yourself and hope you're too pitiful a snack to bother with.
enjoy the rest of your day, because your dreams are sure to be haunted by enormous snakes that are so unfathomably massive that they are actually called titanoboas.