the venerable public

waiting for my eggplant slice in nypd pizza, in philly of course, i was witness to a venting of frustrations. a conservatively dressed businessman flamboyantly waving his brand-old blackberry expressed anger in regards to refurbished phones, monthly charges and the overall monetary tomfoolery of cellphone companies. the man maintained that paying $5 per month as phone insurance was a ripoff and he vowed to never again fall for such contractual trickery. the pizza twirling quasi-european seemed to agree on this subject, saying that refurbished phones were "pieces of crap" and not worth the money. "why would you pay all that money for a used phone? they're refurbished for a reason", he laughed. both men seemed content in their decision to stick it to the proverbial man. i was disappointed that these men, as wise as they were in their years of air-breathing and bill-paying, completely missed the point of phone insurance.

these little devices are so vast in their capabilities that few people are able to fully comprehend their diverse usefulness. many of us willingly shell out a fair chunk of our paycheck to have a fancy new digital toy. it's astounding how much some of these phones cost, the damage of which is sometimes heavily subsidized by cellphone service carriers. this is how i was able to obtain a svelte little blackberry curve 8320 for less than $100. this still seems like a large sum of money, but the actual cost of the phone is closer to $500. why would you pay $500 for a stupid phone?! you are no doubt exclaiming inside your head. the answer is, you should not and you absolutely do not have to. companies love to reward customers for their loyalty, because it means steady business, predictable profits and free publicity when you run to your friends, virtually frothing with excitement, screaming verizon just hooked me up! this thing has tv! let's watch family guy while standing in the middle of the sidewalk just because we can!
these handheld computers cost a lot because they do a lot, and i am pretty sure you would rather not pay out of your own pocket if the device breaks for any reason. some simple math will assure you that phone insurance is a sensible investment.

for argument's sake, we will use my phone as an example. i paid $100 for my phone after my mail-in rebate finally came back. the store price of the phone is $450, which is how much i would need to pay to replace the phone within my two-year contract. i currently pay $5 per month for phone insurance, which covers me in the event of theft, loss, general defects and plain old-fashioned carelessness. if i accidentally throw my phone at a brick wall after six months, it will cost me $30 plus a $50 deductible to get a replacement phone. this refurbished replacement will not have the rich new phone smell of my original, but it will cost roughly one fifth of full price and enable me to quickly resume my hyper-connected lifestyle.
perhaps my phone survives the grueling two year contract. that means i spend $120 on insurance that was never used.
is that not the purpose of insurance?
security? peace of mind?
that is why i pay each month, because if my front teeth are struck by lightning while talking on my phone at the edge of a slippery cliff overlooking a deep, murky river inhabited by malnourished crocodiles, i know my dental, heath and phone insurance plans will cover me.